This morning I finished Courage: Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence
“When we get serious about not allowing familiar excuses and obstacles to keep us from living our highest purpose, settling for fear and low self-confidence is no longer an option.”
For far too long I have used excuses and perceived obstacles to keep me from self-confidence. Yes there have been moments where
I have felt so alive, connected and on purpose. Honestly though, they were fleeting and old habits and patterns would eventually show up. I am beginning to see where these patterns are occurring, and the route cause of them – some as early as childhood. As I journeyed further into the book, a mantra kept me stuck on a page – reading it over and over again. When I first read it I could feel discomfort, resentment, and even anger – so I kept reading it and journalled about the feelings that were conjuring up.
I recognized that I didn’t feel comfortable with the words hot and sexy. Who am I to be hot and sexy? I’m 41 years of age, Mom to two young daughters – what could possibly be so hot and sexy about me? As I journalled about this I recalled a time in my late teens, at a nightclub in Sydney, Australia. My drink was laced with cocaine by the owner of the nightclub. All he kept saying to me that night was – “you are soooo hot and sexy.” It surprised me that this incident came up, yet it did. As I journalled I felt deep hatred and anger at him, shame at myself for allowing that to happen, and dirty. I wrote a letter to him, it was angry, yet as the pen met paper I felt a softening in my heart, a release and even forgiveness. This morning when I read the mantra again I could own it, connect with it and stay connected on the path of building my reservoir with so much self-love.
As you read the above mantra, what comes up for you? Can you own it? Do you feel it in your soul?
