Get Rhythm When You Get the Blues

What is the rhythm you get into when you’ve got the blues?

 

The rhythm I get into is one of withdrawal, isolation, and loneliness.  This past week has felt like that, even though I have the love and support of my amazing husband, and the smiles and love of my daughters. Last night as my husband was getting ready for bed, I told him I was going to stay up and create for a while.

 

“I know there is something wrong, what is wrong?” he asked.
“Sweetie, the only way to explain it, is I feel blaaaahhhh.  I feel no excitement, no up or down, just blah.” I replied.
“We have so many wonderful things happening in our life, how can you feel this way?  Can’t you get excited about our plans for the next couple of months?” he asked, with bewilderment.
“Believe me, I am beating myself up enough.  I know we have so much good in our lives.  I just need to get out of this rut.” I replied with frustration and guilt.
“Tomorrow, why don’t you grab your camera, and with all the beautiful snow, go explore and take some photos.” he suggested.

 

And that is exactly what I did this morning.  Off I went, not knowing where I was going, with a sense of peace and a connection to spontaneity.  I haven’t played music in the car for a while, and found that my regular cd Josh Groban was replaced with Walk the Line. “Get Rhythm” was the first to play.  The first lines of the song, made me smile: “Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues
Come on, get rhythm when you get the blues.” This was exactly what I was doing and it felt good.

 

I drove, singing, tapping my hands on the wheel and just present to the beauty.  My breath was taken away by a beautiful fog in the valley.  I found a driveway to park, and went walk about.  The air was cold, yet fresh.  The surroundings breathtaking. I couldn’t help but feel blessed to be witness to this beauty.

 

I began to feel the tingling of the bitter cold on my hands, so I continued on my journey – where ever it would take me.  And then, there they were. . . Off a back road with no other cars or people in sight, a breathtakingly beautiful group of horses.  It didn’t matter how cold I was, the magic of this moment in time far out weighed the chill setting into my bones.  Even though there was a large herd of them, I couldn’t help but feel how alone they must feel.  Each of them at some point or another vying for my attention.  Ears back, shrieks of annoyance as one would nudge another aside to be near me.  I couldn’t help but think, how many humans, nudge others away for attention.

One horse in particular captured my heart and soul.  His black mane glistened with snow, his eyes revealed a gentle soul and beautiful spirit.  I put my arms around his neck and he just laid his head on my shoulders.  A magical moment of connection. Reluctantly, after what seemed a lifetime, I went on my way.  ”Thank you, for the beauty you injected into my heart.” I said aloud.

 

I drove along the deserted back roads at a snails pace, present to the moment and open to whatever beauty my eyes were drawn to.  An isolated area, stacked with hay bales, made a beautiful contrast to the majestic mountains.  I stopped and wondered, how many critters call this place home?  How many animals does this nurture and nourish.  I found myself smiling, I have never stopped to think of hay in that way.  And then a giggle surfaced as I thought of my youngest daughter.  Years ago, we would be on a road trip and out of nowhere she would yell out “Hay”, we would reply “Hey what?” when all the time it was her pointing out the hay bales.

 

I came to a group of large cows, as I stopped and watched them curiously looking at me, I was taken by the beauty of their breath. The steam that exhaled from them.  In that moment I focused on my own breath.  Breathe in the beautiful crisp and clean air, and breathe out all my troubles.  Surprising, how a seemingly ‘normal’ moment, is an opportunity to be magical.  This cow did not move for at least five minutes, it watched me with full attention.  How many humans look into the eyes of another with such attention and focus?

 

 

I kept going, and suddenly was surrounded with sparkles.  The bare trees were glistening in the sunlight.  I felt like I was in a magical world.  A world that sparkles and shines. Everywhere I looked light shined brightly.  Sadly, I didn’t capture this magic as well as it was to the naked eye.  Just this one stretch of road, had the glistening, it seemed that everything sparkled.  My friend Susanne’s words came to me “Shine On”, and I smiled.

 

As I began my journey back home, not really knowing where I was, I found myself trusting.  Trusting that I was where I needed to be, knowing that I will be okay. Grateful to my husband for encouraging me to do this.  I drove home in the rhythm, taking in the sights and having my ears and heart tantalized by the wonderful music.  I chose to “Get Rhythm”, a new rhythm out of the cycle I was finding myself in.  And I feel calm, peaceful and grateful.

What do you do to “Get Rhythm” when you get the blues?

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Parenting and Mental Illness – A Collaborative Blog Series

Since moderating a Twitter chat for NAMI Massachusetts at the beginning of this year on Parenting with a Mental Illness, I have thrown myself into research and gathering of resources.  It’s been a challenge to find what many people were asking for: scripts for age-appropriate discussions for your children.  Almost everything I have found, tells you to visit your Doctor or therapist.

 

Thanks to brilliant tips and a strategy to follow from Nadine Nicholson on how to create a Collaborative Blog Series, I have decided to create a series on Parenting and Mental Illness – A Collaborative 4 Part Blog Series. A Quiet Strong Voice started as a 15 part Blog Series last year before I published it, and it touched the lives of thousands.  My hope is that this series will too.

 

The Topics for Parenting and Mental Illness

Topics

1. Parenting with a Mental Illness

  • How do I help my child understand my mental illness?
  • What is an age appropriate discussion I can have with my child to educate them and help them understand?
  • How much should I share?
  • What do I do when I am unable to give my child the love and attention they need in my darkest times?
  • Who can I reach out to for support?

These are just some of the questions, I am often asked.  So who better to provide real life experience than the people who are courageously stepping through mental illness and doing the best they can.  This post will feature people who have children aged between 0 – 18.

 

2. Co-Parenting with a Loved One who has a Mental Illness

  • How can I support my loved one while still trying to keep our family as normal as possible?
  • How do I deal with my own frustration with not knowing how to help?
  • Where can I go to find out about the signs and symptoms of mental illness?
  • Who can I turn to for support for myself?
  • How can I help my kids to understand?

I am one of the rare few who have an incredibly supportive spouse.  When I was hospitalized in the psychiatric ward in 2004, Neil was the rock and foundation of our family.  Even through his own fears and frustration, he powered on, doing the best he could.  This post will feature people who have supported a love one with mental illness while raising a family.

 

3. Parenting a Child with a Mental Illness

  • My child has just been diagnosed with a mental illness what do I do?
  • How can I best support my child through their mental illness?
  • How do I help my child accept that they need professional help?
  • Who can I trust to share this with?
  • How do I get the support as a parent, that I need to help my child?

Thankfully I have not had to deal with this personally.  My daughters are 12 and 9 years old.   This post will feature people who are successfully helping and supporting their children through mental illness.

 

4. Being the Child of a Parent with Mental Illness

  • How does my mental illness affect my children?
  • How much should I share with them?
  • Should I just keep it to myself and not tell them?
  • What must they think when I am in my moods and unable to function?
  • Who do they get the support they need from?

I have many people sharing with me how grateful they are for the work I do, that is helping others speak up and not be ashamed about their mental illness.  I have heard some heartbreaking stories from adults who grew up with a parent with mental illness.  This post will feature people who grew up with a parent with a mental illness.

 

Call for Guest Bloggers and Series Guidelines

If you are interested in being a guest blogger for this series following are the guidelines:

  1. Word count – 100 to 300 words.
  2. Above are the questions often asked, be sure to intertwine this into your article.
  3. Use real life examples, people connect with stories that are real – that they can relate to. You do not need to share the names of your children if you don’t wish to.  If you notice, I never use my daughters names for privacy and boundary reasons.
  4. You can use links to books, resources or information that have helped you throughout your journey.
  5. Men and women are encouraged to submit their stories.

 

Please submit your article HERE by August 15, 2012.  There will be editing support, please don’t NOT submit your story because you feel you are not worthy.  You are worthy, and you deserve to be heard and accepted.

Thank you for creating the conversation and real life experience to share with others who may not know what to do or where to go.  I am confident this will be an incredible series, that will provide many people across the world the resources, hope and tools they need.

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3 Steps to Ask for Help with Mental Illness

Isolation and withdrawal are far too common with mental illness. It is easier to suffer in silence than reach out, speak up and ask for help. Or is it?

Receiving help and support is key to moving onwards and upwards through depression. Implementing this as part of your everyday routine is a gift you not only give to yourself, you also give to others.

Imagine a Loved One Not Asking for Help

Imagine a loved one, someone you deeply care about, in deep pain and darkness. You do not know as each time you see them they seem happy and carefree. What would you say if you found out they were in pain and didn’t let you know? By not reaching out and asking for help you are robbing your loved ones the opportunity to help and support you. You are also robbing them of choice, making an assumption of how they will respond.

There is no shame in asking for help, actually it shows a tremendous amount of courage.

An excerpt from A Quiet Strong Voice:

“So how do I move past these barriers and actually ask people for help?” I ask the instructor, sharing with her that throughout this journey I have done a good job of wearing a mask so that people see me as a happy and healthy person.

She gives me many wonderful tips, but one comment in particular really hits home with me.  She looks directly at me and says, “Imagine one of your daughters going through a difficult time.  Now, imagine she has no one to support her because she chooses not to ask for help.”  I stop dead in my tracks, tears welling up in my eyes as I imagine my eldest daughter alone, in pain and not asking for help.  Immediately I understand how important it is to do this, not only for myself, but also as a model for my daughters.  The walls of resistance I have built come tumbling down.  I think about what it would look like if the girls chose to hide behind masks, too.

How Do I Speak Up and Ask for Help?

The most effective way to speak up and ask for help is to have an emotional support team.  A team of friends, family or professionals who are there to help you through the challenging times.    Knowing who to reach out to and how takes away the guesswork.

Step 1 – Who is Your Support Team?

Consider people in your life who are honest with you and have your best interests at heart.  Make sure you have a mixture of personal and business support.  Write down the names of at least three people.

Step 2 – Ask

Phone the people you have listed for your support team and explain to them that you are setting up a plan to support you in challenging times.

  • Let them know why you have chosen them (e.g. trust, friendship, role model.)
  • What do you need  from them (e.g. honesty, friendship, acceptance, a listening ear, accountability.)
  • Ensure you have all their contact information (e.g. email, cell phone, work phone, address.) ask them the best way to contact them.

Step 3 – Put Your Emotional Support Team into Action

Some of the most effective plans miss one crucial step – action.  You can create a word document, excel spreadsheet, a colorful poster.  Now place it in numerous areas that are easily accessible:

  • Fridge
  • Bathroom
  • Wallet
  • Technology – iPhone wallpaper, laptop

Below is an example of an Emotional Health Plan that you can use as a template.

You are not alone through this journey, there is help and support at hand.  You can also locate 24-Hour Crisis Lines near you by visiting Befrienders.org.

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A Brave Man Faces Depression

Depression is an insidious disease that is experienced in all walks of life.  Given that the likelihood that men will commit suicide is 4 times that of women, I am always touched deeply when a man is brave enough to speak up about their depression.

Earlier this year my dear friend Christina Rowsell, Co-Founder of Brighter Business Empower and radio host with Lite 95.9, introduced me to Craig Lester of 660 News.  Craig was creating a 5 Part series on Depression.  Craig interviewed me for a portion of his series.  What struck me about Craig is his bravery in sharing his own story on the air.  He didn’t just create this series as part of his job, it meant more to him than that.

I have the honor and pleasure to share with you a brief insight to Craig’s world of depression.

A Brave Man Faces Depression

My alarm clock goes off, my eyes snap open after not having nearly enough sleep.  I feel tightness in my chest, and my stomach is full of knots.  I roll out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, as I do I say three poisonous words which have become all too familiar to me: “I hate myself.”

A rough start to anyone’s day, the problem was this was the start of my day, four to five days a week (weekends included) for 10 months.  What did I do about it?  Absolutely nothing, because I thought as myself as pathetic for feeling this way.  All I saw in the mirror was a guy who couldn’t handle a break-up months after it all ended.

Why would I say something like that?  It didn’t start that way, it never starts that way.  It starts as a seed of doubt, that when left unchecked became a monster and by that point no amount of logic was able to cut through the shroud.  I remember several mornings brushing my teeth and shaving over the tub because I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror.  Before heading to work, I would put on my mask, and rehearse a few greetings and responses.  ”How are things?” “I’m good and I’m keeping busy, what did you get up to?”  I had it down to an art, I could keep myself in one piece for the course of the day at work without letting on that I was feeling down.  Revealing how I felt was not an option.  I spent most days full of embarrassment, self-blame and self-hate.  I would have conversations with as many as five people at one time on numerous occasions and still feel all alone.

I was in a bubble, where everything looked great ‘out there’, I just couldn’t get ‘there’.  It wasn’t until I started breaking down in August, seven months after the initial symptoms first surfaced, that I thought something might be seriously wrong.  I would arrive home and start crying, pick myself up and tell myself that I’m strong enough to beat the darkness.

It started out as a weekly event, then twice a week and then three times a week.  When it reached four times a week in October of 2011, I finally admitted to myself that I needed to get help, and that’s when I reached out to the Calgary Counselling Centre.  This one single act of me taking control of my situation, turned into another and another, until I was helping myself at every turn, allowing me to regain control of my happiness.

It took four months of counselling, but I’m stronger today because of it.  I write about my ordeal for one reason: to help others recognize early symptoms and get help, don’t ignore it like I did.  I look at my situation and know I am fortunate.  I have a loving and supportive family, countless close friends who were there for me.  In short I have a great life, not everyone who suffers from depression has all these feelings.

 

Worthy Wednesday is about celebrating that you are worthy, we are all worthy, and that you are enough.
Every Wednesday Lee gives a SimpLee Serene Shout Out to an individual or organization being the change they wish to see in the world.

 

 

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A to Z for Mental Wellness

The A to Z for Mental Wellness is delivered in your inbox once a week. A short and sweet message and affirmations to empower you to move onwards and upwards through depression and anxiety. Upon joining this weekly message you will receive a free pdf document: 3 Stages of Healing Depression and Anxiety – simple steps and thought-provoking questions to begin your healing journey.

What are Affirmations?

Affirmations are one simple way to bravely step through depression and anxiety.  An affirmation is any statement that you make – it can be either positive or negative.  You are more than likely thinking, “what’s the use.” or “I feel like a liar saying these statements when they are not true.”  The A to Z for Mental Wellness is a little different.  Here’s a tidbit of what subscribers have already received.

How do I Join?

It is very simple, click on this LINK and within a day you will receive your link for 3 Stages of Healing Depression and Anxiety.  Rest assured I hold privacy at the highest regard and no spam or selling of contact lists happens on my watch.  It’s safe and easy.  You can unsubscribe at any time.

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