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I first learned the need for boundaries, and the true definition when I was in the outpatient day program in 2004.   In it’s simplest form, boundaries are about identifying what it is you truly want and need, that honors you.  Boundaries also show and express to others how you wish to be treated.  Your actions teach people how to treat you.

I also find that as a society most people are looking for the next “quick fix”, the “magic pill”, something that will instantly take the pain away, or to avoid any discomfort or conflict.  The key isn’t to avoid or hope for a miracle, it’s to take ACTION!  To be accountable and responsible for your mental and physical health.  If I don’t take care of my physical self, emotional health and the relationships in my life, how can I teach and model to my daughters about healthy living and boundaries?  How can I have meaningful connection with the people I love?

 

How can I commit to taking care of my physical self?

“My body is a temple that deserves my love.”

This is the mantra I repeat to myself every single morning.  You see, over the past couple of years I haven’t done a good job of taking care of my body.

A common habit was skipping meals, on most days only eating one meal – supper.

My sweet tooth was severely impacting my physical self: up to 2 litres of pop a day and munching on chocolates and candy.

I lacked the commitment to regular exercise.

So I committed to taking care of my physical self by:

Hot Yoga: Inspired by my dear friend Jackie Dumaine, I wanted to give my full commitment to doing yoga.  What I found was incredible benefits to not only my physical self, also my mental health.  I began with once a week, and ended up committing to a 30 Day Hot Yoga Challenge.  Unfortunately half way through the challenge my knee inflamed.  Not due to yoga, from an old injury.  In the past I would have let that get me down, however I chose to honor my body and give my knee the rest it needed.  Good news is I will be back at yoga this week, and  I can’t wait.

Benefits:

• Stillness
• Being in the moment
• Fulfillment
• Peace
• Increased flexibility
• Detoxifying

Eating minimum four meals a day: I know the importance of breakfast, yet still I would skip this needed meal to get the girls ready for school, my morning social media routine and just not holding it as a priority. Excuses, excuses, excuses…  So I knew it had to be something simple and easy.  Each morning I would have a meal replacement bar and my H-Trio Pineapple Green Tea.  Lunch I would have either a salad, or healthy choices at restaurants on my 30 Day Real Life Connection Challenge.  Dinner, with the commitment, help, support and encouragement from my hubby, our family had sit down, healthy meals vs take out or delivery.  I allowed myself one can of pop a day, and replaced the others with water or orange juice.

Benefits:

• Increased energy
• Taste bud satisfaction
• Role model to my daughters
• Detoxifying

Nourish my body with adequate rest: Everyone that knows me, knows that I am a night owl.  Something I need to continually remind myself of is getting at least six to seven hours of sleep each night.  So I made a commitment to myself that I would stick to a healthy routine that would allow this.  I am inspired by Dr Wayne W. Dyer and his early mornings, although I recognize that this is something that doesn’t work with my body clock.  The night times I love the peace and quiet after my family goes to sleep, I love to write and create in those hours.  So I set a healthy boundary with it.  If I was in bed by midnight every night, and my alarm is set for 6.45am that is almost seven hours of sleep which works for me.  Yes there were a couple of 3am nights, however, I would make sure to take a nap that day, or go to bed early the next night.

Benefits:

• Increased energy
• Feeling rested and rejuvenated
• Calm
• More productive

Healthy Lungs: Now this was not part of the Bring it On challenge.  However, on Friday October 22, 2011 I made a commitment to myself and my family: I Am Brave enough to quit.  I quit smoking on that day, being a pack a day smoker, this was not an easy task.  Although I figured, why not, Bring it On!  There have been a couple of hiccups, yet overall my lungs are happy and healthy.  The hot yoga was also helping me detoxify.  There were days I was an absolute bitch to my family, to the point where my hubby encouraged me to go out to our place in Windermere to detoxify by myself.  This was the biggest gift he could have given me, I was able to connect with nature, find peace and do what I love – write.  In the midst of this frustration and emotional turmoil of withdrawal, an unfortunate response to an email set me into a downward spiral.  After some soul searching, and releasing, I then figured I am responsible for the talent entrusted to me.

Benefits:

• My taste buds are delighted.
• My lungs are lighter
• I got the opportunity to spend quality time with Dan Millman because I didn’t go for a cigarette break
• My family LOVES that there is no cigarette smell
• I feel healthy

What can  YOU do to honor your physical self?

What do I need to do for my emotional needs?

“Emotional Boundaries: helps us distinguish our own emotions from others, to recognize healthy expressions of our own feelings, and to take full responsibility for our behavior, and not for others.” ~ Living in the Comfort Zone:  Rokelle Lerner ~

Reflecting back on my values, I knew I had to honor them all for my mental health.

Play: I made a commitment to “play” more: play with my girls, be playful in how I write and share, play with my beloved yellow labrador Riggs, and cuddle and love on my 17 year old cat Elmo.  I became even more playful at events I would go to, playful in the photos and shares on social media.  When I connect with the beautiful, inner child that loves to come out and play I feel so alive, so free and filled with joy.  The relationship with my daughters is so sweet and magical, there is nothing sweeter than the sounds of their belly laughs when we play.

Benefits:

• Connecting with my inner child
• Joy
• Spontaneity
• Feeling connected

Saying No:  This was one area that I really needed to focus on, was saying NO.  I love to help others, be everywhere, do everything.  So I needed to set some healthy boundaries around saying no.  No to myself, when I wanted to take on another project.  I also said No, to a consulting job that I did, in the four short weeks I was there I knew without a doubt this position was not in alignment with my values.  It was impacting my mental health, my time with my family.  So I terminated the contract and honored me.  Limiting the amount of events I go to, at one point I was going to two events a week.  My dear friend Gemma Stone has been a huge inspiration to me for this.  She is very selective and has clear and healthy boundaries around how many events she attends.  So I made a commitment that I would only go to two events in the month of October.

Benefits:

• More time with my family
• Clarity and focus
• Freedom
• Honoring myself and others

Integrative Approach:  I have always believed in an integrative approach to mental health.  I take a low dose anti-depressant, I have monthly counselling appointments at Serenity Now Wellness Centre, and our family has monthly dinner and massage with our amazing masseuse Nadine Shenher.  These all allow me to be proactive in my mental health and emotional needs.  Continuing on with this isn’t a question or an effort anymore, it’s a priority.  I have also added meditation into my repertoire of tools.  Each morning taking six minutes to meditate, this starts my day off on purpose and in the moment.  Taking supplements have proven to be a positive impact for my mental health: Vitamin D, Vitamin B6 & 12 (with folic acid) Vitamin C and Omegas. (Be sure to check with your Dr before taking higher doses of vitamins and supplements.)

Benefits:

• Proactive treatment of my depression
• Balance
• Open-minded
• Relaxation

 

What can YOU do to honor your emotional needs and mental health?

 

Where do I spend my time and with who?

There were people in my life that I was allowing to take away my energy, relationships that did not serve me in an authentic way.  I really had to take a long look at my “friends”.  One part of this was how I was utilizing Facebook.  With three public pages I lovingly maintain: SimpLee Serene, I Am Brave, and Going Blue 4 U and almost 1,500 friends on my personal page I realized that I was not able to connect or keep up with my nearest and dearest friends.  I was spending far too much time searching through the news feed to find what my friends were up to.  So I unfriended over 1,000 people off my personal page and set very healthy boundaries around WHO was on my personal page.  I needed to set these boundaries to honor my privacy and the privacy of my family and friends.  There were some that sent me awful private messages, for the most part, people were very understanding and grace filled.

I reduced my contacts in my outlook address book in half, asking each time, “is this relationship alive or has it served it’s purpose?” I also receive a lot of requests to have coffee, go for lunch, get together.  I had to learn to say no once again, to be truthful with people and to allow more time for me to get together and spend time with my close friends and family.  This was one of the toughest things I did throughout September, October and November.  My people pleasing beliefs came up, I worried what others would think, and was scared of how people would respond.  Although in saying that, the benefits far out way these fears.

Benefits:

• More intentional with nourishing and nurturing friendships
• More time to focus on the special people in my life
• Honoring myself and others
• Freedom
• Release and letting go
• Forgiveness
• Acceptance

 

Every day I read the Reason, Season, Lifetime poem – to recognize the different relationships in my life.  I learned to value the word “friend” especially best friends.

Reason, Season or Lifetime

by Aleksandra Lachut

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

 

Where do you spend YOUR time and with who?  Are these relationships serving you?

 

Tomorrow’s post is Chapter 2 – Speak UP and ask for help with real life connection.

 

Have a wonderful Tuesday.
Hugs & Love