“I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.  People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.” ~ Maya Angelou ~

You are at a loss, feeling helpless and frustrated and not knowing what to do – your loved one is desperate, emotional, not themselves, withdrawn, fatigued and has no energy to do things they would normally love doing.  What do you do?

I am noticing more and more loved ones are reaching out for help on how to support a family member or friend going through mental illness.  This warms my heart, and shows there is a shift happening in the way people are talking about and dealing with this debilitating disease.

This also came to light in a wonderful blog talk radio show I did with Susan J Sohn this morning, talking about my journey through depression, you can listen to the 1 hour interview HERE.  An open, honest and real conversation about the reality of mental illness, Susan also shared her challenges with supporting a friend through depression, and asked some fantastic questions on how we can support loved ones.

S.U.P.P.O.R.T

ASK your loved one what you can do to help them – they may not be able to give you a straight answer, however, by you asking it let’s them know you care…  They are more than likely feeling alone, desperate, isolated, frustrated, overwhelmed and helpless. Your unconditional and loving support will NOT fix them, however it WILL definitely help!

Seek Professional Help: Accompany your loved one to a Doctors Visit: encourage them to be completely honest with their Doctor on how they are feeling.

Unconditional Love, Acceptance & Grace: a large part of the stigma that surrounds mental illness is judgement, majority of people won’t open up about where they are at in fear of being judged…  The biggest gift you can give your loved one is Acceptance & Grace, refrain from using terms such as “Just snap out of it”, “you’ve got so much good in your life how can you be depressed?” believe me – I wish I could have “snapped out of it”

Passive Listening: Allow your loved one to share how they are feeling, and to speak, without any interruption – with full attention and intention to fully hear what they are saying.

Praise: Celebrating what may seem something so small to you, can go a long way for your loved one - being trapped in a negative stream of feelings and emotions is normal in mental illness, gently point out small positive steps.

Overcoming Overwhelm: the simplest of tasks will more than likely cause overwhelm for your loved one, giving them too much information, will cause them to withdraw.  Keep things simple, short and sweet.

Receive: As a caregiver you also need support, be willing, ask and be receptive to others giving you the support YOU need.

Team: Encourage your loved one to create an Emotional Health Plan – their Support Team: friends and/or family that they trust and have their best interests in mind.  Make sure there is a mix of personal and business support.

This too shall pass, your accepting and unconditional SUPPORT will help your loved one.  And YOU will be more aware and knowledgeable on this disease that impacts 1 in 5 Canadians.  Thank YOU for lovingly being there, without my support system – I would more than likely not be here today!

SUPPORT & RESOURCES

Mood Disorders Society of Canada – Support for Families and Quick Facts

Distress Centre – 24 Hour Crisis Line – 403.266.4357 (HELP)

International 24 Hour Crisis Lines – International Association for Suicide Prevention

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health – Support for Postpartum mood disorder