The Emotional Roller Coaster of Depression and Anxiety

Sunday evening I laid in bed, heart racing and trying to catch my breath.  Increasingly frustrated that I couldn’t sleep did not provide any help, in fact it added to the anxiety.

“Lee, take a deep breath, get up and go get your journal and write.” A Quiet Strong Voice said.

So off I went, manned with my journal I laid in bed and wrote.  There was feelings, ideas, concerns, frustrations and gratitude that all poured out. Monday I felt better, the mood was up definitely in part to getting together with four wonderful ladies – a coffee date, lunch date and evening get together.

Then I went to bed.  Another sleepless night – waking numerous times, weird and vivid dreams.  At one point waking up again to an anxiety attack.

This morning my hubby asked me how was my sleep and I told him, he stopped and with a sense of urgency and concern said “Lee, you know what this means you need to get sleep and take care of yourself.”  The concern in his eyes drove through me to the core.

My eldest daughter was running a fever of 101, so I kept her home and upon returning from dropping off my younger daughter at school laid in bed with my daughter.  Once again, even though I was exhausted sleep escaped me.

All the voices in my head were full steam ahead: you need to do this, you must do that, what if you did this, what if you didn’t do that…  Feelings of anger and frustration surfaced.

“Lee, baby steps!  What is one thing you can do right now that will serve you?”  A Quiet Strong voice said.

I came downstairs and journaled, reflecting on what is contributing to this?  “But it’s not May!” I kept saying to myself.  Usually my depression hits in May and October.  Yet, truthfully there are no definites when it comes to depression and anxiety.  For me, it surfaces when I am not taking care of myself – and that has definitely NOT been the case this past couple of weeks.

As a Feng Shui Practitioner (I no longer practice) I am VERY in tune to energy – energy of people and surroundings.  The clutter and chaos of this move has impacted me emotionally on a huge level, and this past week I am realizing how much.

So I stopped – didn’t log onto to a computer till 12.30pm.  I needed to be away from any electromagnetic fields: EMF energy.
I took the time to meditate and find stillness for my mental health.  Then I stepped past the feeling of overwhelm and knew I had to find some order in my creation zone.  I love creating and writing – they are beautiful passions of mine that I love to share.  Not making time for these activities is a big part of how I am feeling.  So, I put on Michael Buble, Johnny Reid and Josh Groban and organized my creative space.

Just writing this has helped immensely.

Although these are the steps I take to move past depression and anxiety, they may be different for you.


Take action with baby steps.  One moment at a time.  Be present.  Be in the NOW.

Give yourself the gift of:

  • Grace
  • Permission
  • Acceptance
  • And there is no need for blame or shame…

Hugs & Love



Would love to hear from you

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  1. Houssine says:

    As a current dog owner, I’m pboabrly biased, but I absolutely think owning a dog has been one of the healthiest choices I’ve ever made. They are a source of constant companionship and give SO much back to you in terms of unconditional love, companionship and even entertainment. It’s really important to do your homework, though, and figure out what breed would fit in best with your lifestyle. Would dealing with shedding and fur on the carpet freak you out? Don’t get a Golden Retriever you’ll end up with fur in your food no matter how much you vaccuum. I know this from experience as that’s the breed I own. Though I wouldn’t trade him for the world he’s an absolute sweetheart. Do you want a puppy or an adult dog. A puppy is a TON of work, though that’s the route I’ve gone both times. At this point in time, I would adopt a little bit older dog to avoid the puppy stage.Once you find the perfect dog for you I absolutely believe dog ownership is a wonderful de-stresser. They ask for so little, but give back so much. Just petting a dog is a great way to unwind and forget the stress of the day. If your down or depressed, just looking at their happy faces and wagging tail can lift your spirits.There is a good bit of responsibility to having a dog. You have to spend time with them and to some degree put them first when making plans. But in my opinion it’s worth it for the pleasure they can bring to your life.A dog can be a great stabilizing force in your life. Just be VERY sure to research and get the right breed for you. There’ll be an adjustment period while you get to know each other, but most dogs live to please you, so if you take the time to train your dog and spend lots of time with him, he’ll learn quickly what you like and don’t like.Good luck with your decision!

  2. Gemma Stone says:

    Dear Ali,

    Wow, it takes tremendous courge to share. Thank you. 

    Welcome home. I’m so very glad you’re with us. The fact that you are here matters. Deeply. 

    Baby steps are the most loving and wise thing you can do for yourself. It’s usually the smallest steps that end up making the biggest difference. 

    Much peace and love to you sister.

  3. Dear Ali,

    Firstly, I congratulate and celebrate you for your bravery in sharing.  It takes tremendous courage to share what you just did.  Thank YOU.

    Admitting it, IS part of the healing journey.  It is not something to be ashamed of or fill yourself with guilt – this will only stunt the healing.

    Welcome home, and YES – baby steps.  If you need to take one minute at a time, DO it…  

    This is the chapter in my book where I share when I came home from the hospital the chapter right after is about Baby steps and boundaries.

    Give yourself grace, acceptance and love.  Take the baby steps to healing and you will move through this with greater gifts than you can ever imagine.

    Much love, thoughts and prayers are with you on this journey.

    Hugs & love Lee xoxox

  4. Ali says:

    Thank you. I have just returned from a week at the hospital for treatment following my suicide attempt. It’s hard to say that- but admitting it is part of the healing. Your post today is perfectly timed – as I am now home and trying to adjust again to “real life” and all it’s demands. I think this post is one for me to print and paste to tj front off journal. Baby steps.
    Baby steps are all I need to do – and that’s ok.

  5. You are very welcome.  Yep I’m an Aussie, born and raised in Sydney.  Great to connect with a fellow Aussie.  

    There is also a wealth of resources and links on the Mental Health Resources tab.  Some great organizations in Australia as well.
    Always remember You are not alone.  You are Loved.
    Hugs Lee xox

  6. Mizz Julzz says:

    Thank you Lee I will read those. Just saw that you were born in oz, I’m in Sydney.
    Thank you again for taking the time to reply to me . Take care

  7. Dear Mizz,

    You are very welcome.  One of the difficulties with depression/anxiety is the feeling of isolation, withdrawal, shame and being alone.  

    The truth of the matter is, here in Canada over 6 million people are impacted by depression.  You are definitely not alone.  You are loved.  And you will get through each challenge with baby steps.

    If you have not already done so, I encourage you to read my 15 part blog “A Quiet Strong Voice – A journey through depression, anxiety and attempted suicide.” 
    It’s a 1.5 hour read or listen (all posts are recorded by me) 

    and just recently I wrote the Four part blog series “Bring it On – How I beat the October Blues” I will personally be re-reading this one myself today as a healthy reminder. 

    Hugs & Love Lee xoxox

  8. Mizz Julzz says:

    Thank you for sharing your thought, feelings & experiences. You make me feel that even though I feel alone in my depression/ anxiety that I am not.

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