Insomnia…
Change in eating patterns, loss of appetite…
Crying spells for no reason…
Withdrawal…
A deep feeling of unexplained sadness…
Signs that have been letting me know to STOP and listen. Thankfully, I am acutely aware of the symptoms of depression, and they have been popping up lately.
I wrote this last night.
It came to a head yesterday around 5:00pm, after some sisterly arguing between my daughters, I just sat on the couch and cried. My 12 year old daughter, sat beside me and held me.
“What’s wrong Mom?” she asked with genuine concern.
“I feel really sad right now honey, I don’t know why! I just need to cry.” I said through the tears.
We sat there, embracing each other. The wisdom and unconditional love of a 12 year old girl is something many can learn from. She allowed me the space to feel, to express my emotions and to just be with me. She didn’t attempt to fix me, she didn’t ask me to stop, she gave me grace and space. Later when she got home from soccer practice, I was laying in bed and she came and gave me a big hug.
“I Love you Mom. Are you feeling better?” she asked.
“Yes sweetie I am, thank you for being there for me today. I really needed that.” I said to her, acknowledging the tremendous gift she had given me.
Recognizing that I needed to take action, for the upteenth time I started reading “Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook.” by Louise L. Hay. I could immediately feel a shift in my thoughts.
“Whatever your beliefs may be about yourself and the world, remember that they are only thoughts, and thoughts can be changed.” ~ Louise L. Hay ~
This morning I drove out to Windermere, BC. Driving along the highway, through the majestic mountains I could feel a release – a surrender and letting go. Peace swept over me, and as I do when I drive by myself I listen to my J-Team – Josh Groban, Jana Stanfield and Johnny Reid – with a splash of Michael Buble. Over and over again I listened to Don’t Give Up, If I Were Brave and Today I’m Gonna Try and Change the world.
As I was listening to Don’t Give Up, singing at the top of my lungs I witnessed a coyote running along the highway. He had a terrible limp, and I thought in that moment “he’s not giving up.”
I have often thought who is Josh talking about “I” – is it him, is it God or someone else? I thought in that moment, it’s not just one person, my perception of the “I” is it’s a combination of many: my quiet strong voice, friends and family who provide support and love, my therapist, a kind loving ear from my friend Yvonne this morning.
The power of these lyrics is so fitting for moving through depression, a challenging time or simply for hope. I encourage you to include the above mentioned songs on your playlist. Close your eyes and listen to the incredible lyrics, the love in which they are delivered and the hope and simplicity in each.
You are Loved (Don’t Give Up) by Josh Groban
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy
I will lift it for youDon’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I will break it for youEverybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved.Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I will there to find youDon’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I will shine to guide youEverybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved.
Even in times of darkness, there is always light – hope and a choice to take baby steps to move through. Already, by being aware, accepting and taking action I am feeling much better. You can too. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be understood. First and foremost by YOU.
Be sure to listen to Josh’s message at the end, he is so sweet and humble…
You are not alone. You are loved.
Hugs & love
